Hoodrats 101

You know I like to keep it really positive around here at The Bronx Socialite. But sometimes, stuff that happens in the borough  is not always positive and it’s important to be realistic about that and know how to deal with it. So today, I’d like to give you a couple of tips on how to deal with hoodrats.

Hoodrat – (n.) an unsavory character who exhibits boisterously ignorant mannerisms and behavior, often accompanied by lively hand movements; natural habitat consists of the ‘hood, specifically Kennedy’s Fried Chicken, public transportation, laundromats, nail salons, and World Star Hip Hop; comes in varied shapes, sizes, and colors; typically vain in nature; thrives on confrontation

I want to make an important distinction here before I continue. Coming from the ‘hood, or not having a formal education, or being broke do NOT necessarily lead to one becoming a hoodrat. However, the ‘hood does breed hoodrats, so you must be aware of this distinction.

Now being The Bronx Socialite, I don’t often run in the same circles as hoodrats, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. But, at some point or another, you, too, may come across a hoodrat along your travels and I’m going to show you three different ways to handle the hoodrat.

1. There is a hoodrat engaged in a confrontation with someone else. 

DO NOT GET INVOLVED! It is imperative that you not make eye contact with the hoodrat. Similar to animals in the wild, direct eye contact may provoke an unintended attack. The hoodrat goes from 0 to 100 in 0.005 seconds, so it is important to move quickly. Keep it moving and get away as soon as possible.

2. The hoodrat is engaged in a verbal confrontation with YOU. 

I told you not to make eye contact! Oh well, too late. First, remain calm. Second, hoodrats do not subscribe to logic and common sense, so any attempts to reason with them will be fruitless. It is NOT your responsibility to educate the hoodrat. You will have to let the thought that eventually public shaming will convince the hoodrat to change his/her nature comfort you. Ignore the hoodrat and leave, but make sure you keep the hoodrat in your peripheral vision in case of a sneak attack or thrown object.

3. The hoodrat is engaged in a physical confrontation with you.

Guess you didn’t leave fast enough. Fine. If the hoodrat decides to ‘throw the hands’, you must defend yourself as best possible and seriously, get out of there. And alert the authorities. Perhaps you’ll luck out and they were already looking for him or her? You’ve just done society a favor, pat yourself on the back. But, maybe you’ll want to avoid that location for a bit?

And there you have it, a basic introduction to navigating society in working harmony with the hoodrat.

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One thought on “Hoodrats 101

  1. Callie says:

    I once shut-down a hoodrat by merely shushing her. It took 2 takes, but it did work. She was sitting in her car, screeching at me because SHE’D nearly hit my car when I had the right-of-way. While she was on high volume, yelling obscenities, I pursed my lips, put a vertical finger to my lips, and said “shhh.” (Picture an adult dealing with an unruly child.) That set her off even more loudly. I did the same thing a second time, and she had no idea how to respond. She shut up and stared at me. Chalk up 1 for civilization, 0 for the hoodrat animal.

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